Face of my King
by Aille
Summary: What would happen if Sirius lost Harry? - Complete


**CLASSIFICATION**: PG - 13  
**SUMMARY**: What would happen if Sirius lost Harry?  
**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own Harry Potter, in any way, shape or form. I love to read the books, but I sure don't own them. J.K. Rowling and WB do. This is simply a tribute to the Harry Potter series. I am making no money from this and I'm just enjoying sharing some of my own crazy ideas. Nor do I own the song from the book "The Mists of Avalon" by _Marion Zimmer Bradley_.  
**AUTHORS NOTE**: I really know nothing about Marion Zimmer Bradley, this is just one of my own crazy ideas.  
**THANK YOU**: I would like to thank my beta readers, ***Draco~Malfoy~Lover*** and Neela.  
  


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**Face of my King**

  
  
Looking at the time, Sirius smiled a bit. It was earlier than he had been going to bed lately. The book had just grabbed his attention the last few nights. He couldn't put it down. The good thing was, he was finished and he could climb into bed without wondering what was going to happen next.  
  
Putting the book down, he crept into the bedroom and curled up next to his lover.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"Mmm..."  
  
"You done?"  
  
"Just finished it."  
  
"Tell me about it..."  
  
"I thought you wanted to read it."  
  
"Maybe later, with all my work from the Ministry, I..."  
  
"Shh... no shop talk in bed!" Sirius reached over and brushed the hair out of his lovers eyes, then kissed the lightning shaped scar on his forehead.  
  
"Sorry," Harry snuggled in closer to Sirius. "So will you?" Resting his head in the crook of Sirius' arm.  
  
"Always," he smiled and started talking. "It's a story about Avalon, before it disappeared into the mists, back in King Arthur's time. One of the Ladies of the Lake wrote it, so the whole wizarding world would know the truth."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Who what?"  
  
"Who wrote it?"  
  
"Oh!" Sirius started to laugh softly. "The Lady Marion Zimmer Bradley. They say she is of the same blood likes as Sir Lancelot and the great serest like the Lady Vivian."  
  
"Professor Bins told us about her, she was Lancelot's mother."  
  
"According to the book, your right." Sirius smiled and stroked Harry's cheek. "I must admit, it was different reading King Arthur's tale from a woman's point of view, but it was interesting."  
  
"It had to of been, you've been coming to bed late for days."  
  
"I didn't want to keep you awake with the light on."  
  
"I know," Harry trailed his fingers across Sirius' bare chest. "That's one of the reasons I love you so much."  
  
Sirius yawned and wrapped his arms around Harry. "Can I tell you about it tomorrow?" His voice starting to grow fuzzy as sleep crept in. "You have to go to work in a few hours."  
  
"Of course love," Harry murmured. "I'm taking the bike in the morning."  
  
"Yes dear."  
  
With that they fell asleep in each others arms.  
  


What sorrow is like to the sorrow of one who is alone?  
Once I dwelt in the company of the king I loved well,  
And my arm was heavy with the weight of the rings he gave,  
And my heart weighted down with the gold of his love.

  
Sirius stood dumbfounded. He had felt the touches of Neville and Ginny Longbottom, heard the condolences of Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Weasleys, but it just couldn't be true.  
  
It could not be true... only three nights before they had been curled up in bed... only three nights before talking about a book... only three nights...  
  
He was making dinner, knowing Harry was going to be home soon. He had called from the Ministry, he was running a little late he said, but he would be home in time for dinner. He was making Harry's favorite meal, the same dish Sirius had made the night they became engaged, roast beef with Yorkshire pudding, and bake well tart for dessert.  
  
He was thinking about the day Harry proposed as he cooked. Yes, they had been together for four years, yes, he should have expected something because he thought Harry had been acting strange, but he had been shocked. He remembered the words as if he had just heard them. Harry had been down on one knee, holding a little box and said 'Sirius Black, I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?'  
  
He wore the ring Harry gave him with pride. Even after five years of being married, he was still deeply in love with him.  
  
He was ripped out of his memories by the doorbell ringing.  
  
'Who would be at the door at this hour?' Passed though his mind. Ron and Hermione were not supposed to come over until later in the evening, giving the two men some time to have a quiet meal.  
  
Just before reaching the door, the doorbell chimed again. "I'm coming, I'm coming..." Sirius called out.  
  
Opening the door, Sirius stood there a bit confused. "May I help you officer?"  
  
"Mr. Potter?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"My name is Constable O'Rilly. May I come in for a minute?"  
  
Sirius' heart leapt into his throat. "What... what's wrong?" He could feel his legs starting to turn to rubber.  
  
"Mr. Potter, there has been an accident."  
  
"No..." Sirius could feel his world crashing around him.  
  
"Would you be able to come down to the station sir?"  
  
Sirius nodded, as his world crumpled around his feet. He really couldn't remember what happened after that, he went though the motions that brought him here.  
  
Looking down at the earth that held his love's body, a single tear fell down his cheek.  
  


The face of the king is like the sun to those who surround him,  
But now my heart is empty  
And I wander along throughout the world.  
The groves take on their blossoms,  
The trees and meadows grow fair,  
But the cuckoo, saddest of all singers,  
Cries forth the lonely sorrow of the exile,  
In search of what I shall never more;

  
The next few weeks Sirius went threw the motions, trying to make everyone believe he was alright. He knew he wasn't fooling anybody. Remus had already pointed out that he looked like hell, and Dumbledore had told him to take a few more weeks to recover.  
  
He didn't know what to do, every where he went he saw Harry. At the Ministry, Diagon Alley, The Leaky Cauldron, even the ice cream shop he sat in now. Their home... he couldn't bring himself to stay there any length of time. It reminded him too much of Harry. There were pictures of them all over the place. Harry's smiling face was every where, winking at him, blowing kisses, or just smiling. It was so hard, that smile made the clouds disappear and the sun shine again.  
  
He knew he loved Harry the first time he saw that smile, in those few fleeting minutes he thought himself truly free. That first smile Harry had given him had washed away some of those years at Azkaban, freed his heart. Over eleven years, he did everything in his power to make Harry smile. Without that smile, it was like the bars had been slammed shut again.  
  
He was afraid to sleep, incase he awoke back in that cell. He had dreamed that enough over the years, but Harry had been there, to hold and comfort him. To tell him everything was going to be alright.  
  
He was lost. Wandering in a world he once thought he knew, alone. Each step was labored, forced. He could not find the will within himself to go on.  
  
"Hey Sirius!" He heard someone call from the street.  
  
Looking up, Sirius forced a smile on his face. The smile he showed everyone. "Hi Ron."  
  
"Sirius, Hermione and I would love for you to come by for dinner this evening. Little Lily misses her godfather, and we miss your company." Ron said.  
  
Sirius could see the concern in Ron's eyes. He knew they just wanted to help. "Sure Ron, I'll be there. What time should I stop by, and what should I bring?"  
  
Taking a seat at the table, Ron smiled. "Just yourself. Actually we had a reason for wanting you to come by, and Herm will kill me for letting the cat out of the bag." His eyes seemed to cloud over.  
  
"What's up Ron?" Sirius asked, watching Ron and trying to keep his own emotions in check. He took a bite of his ice cream while he waited.  
  
Ron looked as if he was shaking off something and grinned. "She's pregnant again. We were wondering if you would do the honor of being its godfather?" Ron saw the flash of pain that few threw Sirius' eyes. "You don't need to answer me now, nor tonight, just... give it some thought."  
  
"I will Ron, I promise. I'll think about it. And congratulations, you two are going to out do your parents soon."  
  
Ron blushed and stammered, "I better go tell her you said you'd be by tonight. Dinners at seven." With that he got up and left the shop.  
  
Sirius sat there a while longer, playing with what was left of his ice cream. He couldn't believe that Ron was going to be a father again. That the fair lady Hermione, which he had been calling her since she had proved his innocence, would bloom again with child. When he and Harry would never know that joy. Over the years they had tried to adopt, and now they would never know that joy together.  
  
He would say yes to them, be happy for them, but knew it would not fill that hole Harry had left.  
  


All faces are alike to me if I cannot see the face of my king,  
And all countries are alike to me  
When I cannot see the fair fields and meadows of my home.  
So I shall arise and follow my heart in wondering  
For what is the fair meadow of my home to me  
When I cannot see the face of my king  
And the weight on my arm is but a band of gold  
When the heart is empty of the weight of love.

  
Dear Mr. Potter,  
  
There has been word of some of Voldemort's followers gathering in Paris, France. You are needed to travel there immediately. Mr. Lupin and Mr. Longbottom will meet you at platform nine and three-quarters.Yours truly  
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore  
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)Sirius crumbled up the letter and threw it in the fire. It had been seven weeks since the accident, and he had only been back to work for two of those weeks.  
  
"May the Goddess be damned!" Sirius yelled at the fire as he watched the flames lick at the paper. "Why Paris?"  
  
He knew he would go, he knew he would do his job, and do it well. However, it just wasn't the same any more. Without Harry, it had no meaning, everything and everyone seemed the same.  
  
Something within himself was crying out for him to go, to get away from this place. It was this voice he was listening to. His heart didn't sit here any longer. It had left with Harry, it had followed whatever trail the only person he really loved was on.  
  
He fell asleep in the chair in front of the fire. He hadn't slept in their bed since Harry had left him behind.  
Five hours later, Sirius sat in a compartment with Neville and Remus, listening to them discuss the case they were going on; not really hearing anything. He knew he should tune in, find out exactly what was going on. However, his mind was on Harry.  
  
They had gone to Paris for their honeymoon. It was one of the best times of his life. The smile that he loved so much had never left Harry's face the whole time they had been there. Whether it was when they were walking hand in hand to a restaurant, or laughing as the rain poured down on them, or when they were making love. The sun shone in that smile, and now that sun was gone forever.  
  
He no longer felt like he had a home, like there was no place his heart could settle.  
  
Giving up, he stopped pretending he was paying attention to what the other two were saying and just looked at his wedding band. Harry's vows ringing in his head as he cried softly.  
"With this ring, I pledge myself to you.  
It has no breaks, and turns in a continuous circle.  
In this way it symbolizes my love for you.  
I shall love you forever, it has no end. In  
this life, in those that have past, and  
those that are to come, I have and  
forever will love you. My life is yours,  
I will follow where ever you lead. I will  
love and stay with you, even during the  
though times. I am yours forever."Sirius didn't notice the talking in the compartment dying off as he wept softly. However he did feel the arm wrap around his shoulder, and he wept into Remus' shoulder. His heart crying out for Harry's love.  
  


And so I shall go roaming  
Over the fishes' road  
And the road of the great whale  
And beyond the country of the wave  
But the memory of those I loved  
And the songs I sang out of a full heart,  
And the cuckoo's cry in memory.

  
It had been four months, four long, lonely months. It was time for him to go, to leave this place behind. When he had gotten back from Paris, the house was put up on the market and it had finally sold. He could no longer live within these four walls.  
  
Taking a last look around the house, at the packed boxes, he sighed. It was over, this part of his life was over forever. He didn't know where he would go, where is travels would take him, but he hadn't rented a place to stay. Almost everything was going into storage.  
  
What he had done, was invest in a sailboat, something Harry had always wanted. He was going to follow Harry's dream for him. Where ever the waves took him, he would follow.  
  
Turning, he left the house and made his way to the Ministry.  
An hour later, he arrived at the Ministry, his mind made up.  
  
"Pita, I need to talk to Fudge." Sirius said to the young woman sitting at the front desk.  
  
"One moment Sirius, the Minister is in a very important meeting right now, and cannot be disturbed." She sighed dramatically.  
  
"Give him this for me please, Pita. It's very important that he receives it today." He handed her a sealed envelope.  
  
"What's this?" Taking the envelope and eyeing it.  
  
"My resignation." With that, he turned and walked away.  
  
Pita sat in her chair, shocked, for a few minutes, then ran towards Fudge's office.  
Sirius stood on the dock, looking at his sailboat, admiring her lines. He had already given his key to Remus, promising to keep in touch. This was it, the first day of the rest of his life. Alone with his memories on the ocean, lost and found, in the memories of his king. 


End file.
